Overcoming Perfection

 

The need to be ‘perfect’.

What the heck drives that anyways?

Comparison?  So you can do _______ as good as ______ can?

Ego?  So you can ‘be the best’?

Competition?  So that dad/mom/teacher will ‘like’ you more?

Self-Worth?  If I can’t _________ then I must not be ____________.

Are there things in your life you are waiting to do because you can’t do them ‘perfectly’?  Are you holding back on passions stirring within you because you think your current efforts won’t propel you to the top?

There is no doubt that we squash our own talents and God-given abilities for many reasons, but our fear of not being good enough probably ranks pretty highly up there….why put out any effort if it doesn’t have an appreciable reward, right?

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As I sit in my studio, cutting without a plan; creating without a clear vision, I spend a whole-lotta-time critiquing my own work….is this even good enough to show anyone? 

What actual use will this _________ have anyways? 

 Who would want to use it / display it?

I’ve been pondering lately how this is a metaphor for so many things in our life. 

To how many things do we say :

“I’m not going to _______________ until I _______________.”

“I can’t ____________ because I don’t __________________.”

“There’s no point in me ___________________ because ______________is better at it anyways”

See yourself in any of those statements?….

If you do, here’s a new truth to say to yourself in it’s place.

“I’m going to start by ____________________.  Today is only one small part in where this journey will lead.  I don’t know what the end of this road looks like, but I have today.  I have the creativity to dream, I have the heart to love, I have the hands to create, and the body to move, TODAY.”

Comment anonymously if you’d like but I’d love to hear what things you have been holding back on doing…..

…cooking?…painting?…singing? …. dancing?  …getting your driver’s license?

…teaching your kids to ______________?….exercising?…..writing?

….starting a business? …..writing a book?  …..just getting out of bed today?

I’d love to encourage you if you see any of yourself in this post.  Let’s move along this trail together…let’s bust down some fake fences that we’ve called PERFECTION and move forward!

 

Trust me, if I was ruled by perfection, I'd never create anything!

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Join me: I’m

REPURPOSED on Facebook

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As a Person thinketh…

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve waxed poetic on here and I thought it’s about time to share some of my thoughts on where I’ve been….where I am….and where I’m going….

There would have been lots of words to describe a person like me just a few years ago, and they might have read like this:

Driven….Productive…..Self Assured….Effective Manager….Efficient….

…those are the things that assured success in the world called “corporate “.

Now, just a few years later, my skin bristles to even think about who that was.

She was self-centered; she was fearful of not being in control; she was afraid that it would all fall apart if she didn’t handle every miniscule detail; she didn’t ever want to fail because it meant she wasn’t good enough.

Enter “The Repurposing”….

At some point I became acutely aware that living life this way, was certainly not what was intended for me, and that I had to change my thinking…..

The laws of thought really do govern our life path, and I know that our soul (mind-will-emotions) attracts that which it secretly harbors; (that which it loves, and also that which it fears).  Unless I wanted my life to reflect those things which I now found distasteful, I had to surrender.

Now, having a life change forced on you by your circumstance is one thing, and learning how to live and walk through that is entirely different than what I have been / still am walking through.  I’ve not lived through a corporate layoff, downsizing, or anyone else telling me my career world ( the way I knew it) was done with.

At any day, at any moment, I could still SO EASILY revert back to my thoughts which say:

“you can do so much more”;

“you are wasting your time and your life”;

“you are earning less than half of what you should be, and are depriving your family”.

…and it would be so EASY to jump back into that corporate lifestyle and accept the lies that governed me for so long.

 

It is because I make the choice to ignore those voices that I am misunderstood.  It is because this has not been forced on me that people think I’ve ‘lost my mojo’. 

All because I chose a better way.

The way I’ve chosen demands me to think less of myself, and to not incessantly chase some invisible goal of ’success’….

The way I’ve chosen compels me to live knowing that I could ‘be more productive  and earn my ’supply’ , but I choose to trust instead…humbling my own thoughts of who I am and what I”m capable of.

The way I’ve chosen dictates that I open my eyes to see how much we still have that we don’t need; how we live wastefully even when our consciousness states that  ‘we need more’.

The way I’ve chosen puts alot more emphasis on the organic movings of our family rhythym rather than some forced schedule that accomodates my needs.

I don’t see a visible end.  I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.  On so many days I still yearn for the ’solution’, for the ‘why I did that’ to emerge. 

Because I still look for the end, I know that I’m still on the path, and have not yet been completely transformed in my thinking.  There is still much work to do and probably always will be.

And yet….

I see someone who reflects a new creativity.

I see someone who reflects a new flexibility.

I see someone who bends her schedule and plans to fit those of others.

I see someone who gives generously.

I see someone who is able to respond with wisdom

It’s because I’ve ignored the pull of what others think or say….I no longer perform for anyone’s benefit, I don’t worry too much if I’m ‘getting it’; or if it fits someone else’s vision of ‘what I should be’.

I’m me.

I think I’m finally seeing that a strong will is not the blessing that an “A-type” is often labelled with. 

A strong will is what keeps us from receiving.  A strong will keeps us from hearing.  A strong will keeps us from experiencing grace.  A strong will is a mountain-high fence erected to keep us safe from the unknown….and yet guess what?  The unknown is a much safer place than we give it credit for….

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I just am.

Come what may.

I am loved; supplied for; cared about; special; part of a plan; never forgotten; broken; fixed; forgiven; hugged.

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Wisdom’s Packaging

 

Sure…I wonder some times how much to ‘put out there’ on my blog….I mean you never really know who’s reading, and even if you do know who’s reading, how much is tooo much, y’know?

But I think this little tidbit might be meant as encouragement for someone else out there, so I’m laying it on the line and sharing it, right from the heart!

Last week, I was having one of those particularly BAD days….ok, maybe like BAD hour, but whatever.  Hubby and I were just not seeing eye to eye on ANYTHING, and it didn’t matter what we said to each other, it just came out plain wrong, or was taken plain wrong, or in other cases, was MEANT to come out wrong.  It was just plain yukkiness.

So off I went to my studio, knowing that if I didn’t get my heart straight, this wasn’t going to change…..sometimes just getting out and removing myself from the situation at hand is just enough to go connect with My Source again.

After a few tears and some heartfelt prayers, I opened up a french dictionary that I picked up ( intending to cut it up and use for some assemblage pieces…) and this amazing sort of thing happened….God started talking to me right out of the pages of that dictionary.

ok, ok, before you get all wierded out, you need to know that God and I talk. 

 Alot. 

I tend to think I ‘know’ what He sounds like, but I am always open to hearing him in new ways too.

Page after page that I opened, had something to say to me.  The way these appear is exactly as I opened them….tore them out and framed them one by one….

To Hear; To Open

and then….

To Believe, To Grow;

and then…

To Know, To Be Worth, To See;

and finally…

To Rise; To Follow;

All put together:

This may mean EXACTLY nothing to you…..but my heart needed to hear some words that day.  God was not restricted by space, by language, or by having the ‘right’ tool at his disposal….He met me, in that space, exactly then.

The catalyst is simply in the posture of our hearts.  When we open up our hearts, believing that He holds our answers, He will find a way to break through….not always visually, but we will know He’s been there.

Psalm 46:10

Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God.

I challenge you to find a new way to allow Him in…..you may not be used to praying, or even approaching The Creator in this way….so just start with something small….a simple “are you there?”, “can you help me with this?”, is often all we need to let the answers start coming in…..answers that bring contentment, peace, knowledge and wisdom. 

I’m so glad that He’s in the driver’s seat, not me!

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REPURPOSED on Facebook

Love Winnipeg

In between all the muck and the yuck around here, a very important yearly event has also come and gone.

It’s the time of year when we at Riverwood put on our work gloves, pick up our rakes and lawnmowers and set out to give some love away “no strings attached”.

This year we asked kids from our weekly “KidzClub” – a gathering of neighbourhood kids from Elmwood – if they would like to join in.  We ended up with about 15 kids on the block, pitching in and helping out in their own community!  Not all of these kids attend church regularly or even at all, but over the weeks at KidzClub, we have been able to form relationships with them that we hope spill over into positive life change for themselves and for the community of Elmwood!

Way to go Kids!  We learned alot about giving away a part of our lives to be a blessing in someone else’s…!

5 day challenge – DAY 5 of Beans and Rice

If you have ever felt like you’re here for a reason, for something bigger than yourself, you owe yourself the courtesy of at least exploring that.

What is woven into your DNA, and by whom?

What work is waiting for you that is connected to LIFE?

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I know this for sure.  We have one major choice in life.

Life or Death

That’s it.

Long story short is life, truly living, is being connected to a source that is powerful enough to create something from nothing, to move the seasons in and out, and provide for all living things.

Death is not knowing, striving for something that ends with darkness.

When I chose Life, my perspectives changed on a lot of things.  THINGS, status, title, started to hold very little weight.  Relationships, sharing, caring and love started to mean more.  You can read a little something about that here:  http://repurposed.wordpress.com/repurposed-life/

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.

Saving is all his idea, and all his work.

All we do is trust him enough to let him do it.

It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing!

No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

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on the advent of Day 5, I already know that I eat too much…..I eat more food than my body needs and shame on me.

With all the resources I have at hand, I abuse them by taking more than my share.   That changes today.

I haven’t been all that hungry on Beans & Rice & Oatmeal….and I think I figured out why.  It doesn’t TASTE good.

I am more addicted to TASTE than the food.  I let the TASTE of food determine how much I eat vs. what I really need to keep living.

I choose food based on a momentary pleasure.

I am certainly not advocating eating a restricted diet like this for anyone….we’ve been taking in less than 600 calories a day….that is NOT HEALTHY either.

But I will pay more attention to WHY I’m eating.  Is it for taste or because I’m hungry?

Back to regular programming next week – thanks for making this journey with me…!

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5 day challenge – DAY 3 of Beans and Rice

I don’t think much of this 5 day journey has been a surprise to me.  These types of challenges really force you to consider what is important in life and I’ve been on a downward mobility trend for sometime already.

If you’re new here, you might like to read this:

http://repurposed.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/on-living-with-balance/

or this:

http://repurposed.wordpress.com/about/

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Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow.

Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous.

If they do that, they’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.

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I don’t know how to write about the food / hunger challenge because in my black and white mind, when you decide to do something you just do it.  That doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room for complaining or opting out…this is not my first fast and so I’ve done the ‘hard work’ on previous fasts and know what it’s about.

But I know that many who try this don’t share my willfullness and this fast is a huge challenge.  Something happens inside of you when you really really really want something and can’t have it.  It is like a spoiled child jumping up and down.  It is easier to quiet that inner child by indulging them.

That in fact is going to be most people’s unidentified struggle.  Coming face to face with that ugly inner part that doesn’t care about satisfying anyone but itself….the ugly word we don’t want to hear is SUBMISSION.

For a Christian it is in those moments where God can transform us the most.

I distinctly remember being face down on the carpet , clawing at the carpet even in a tear soaked place talking to God in not so nice words.  I felt parts of me from deep within rearing up that I had to tell God he could have…that he was bigger than this single desire, that I believed He could fill me more than food ever could….for me these words had to be audible, spoken out loud…quiet prayers were not going to do it for me…

It’s hard yucky stuff and it’s hard to process that while you are going about your normal day at work and such, but I guess I write that to encourage you that it truly is THAT MOMENT that you have to overcome.  When God is in it with you, you MAKE IT THROUGH.  And then you make it through the next one and the next one.

This process is something I have used over and over for many areas of my life, but I learned it in fasting.

I’m making this my Works for me Wednesday posting this week – hope it inspires all of you on the list!

Death and such

Here is something I’ve learned on this journey called life. Everything in life is meant to be held loosely.

That means things come and go, money comes and goes, people come and go.

Every time I feel stressed or anxious I need to examine it for it’s root cause, identify it and then let go….

We allow ourselves to be bound up by feelings of what ifs….what thens…if onlys….and I can’ts…..

There is something valuable to be learned from every thing and every person and every circumstance.

Sometimes the things we learn have less to do with those things, and those people, but more about how we react to them…how we see ourselves in relation to them.

I’ve learned this….we can question those things, and allow our minds to become obsessed with the search for answers, or we can allow our minds to be transformed to a new way of thinking – to a new understanding of this earth of our place in it.

“Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

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Peace.